He says: "Wow, you look hot in that dress today."
She replies: "This rag? No. Stop it. This thing is older than you and I need to throw it away and I need to lose weight so it will fit better and I'll never be Halle Berry and..."
Stop. Hammertime. Cougars know how to take a compliment. Just say thank you. There is nothing wrong with positive feedback. Everyone needs to feel valued and respected if not admired. Stop deflecting compliments or devaluing them with a laundry list of your faults. How often do you get compliments anyway? Are you getting so many that you've had enough for a lifetime? I doubt it. Plus, if you keep returning the compliments like bad Christmas gifts, after a while, you don't get any more.
Now, I'm not advocating being a praise hoe (you know what I mean adults.) A praise hoe is so eager to please and have everyone think highly of her that her self-esteem fluctuates more than the stock market. She solicits compliments by constantly asking "What do you think?" or "Do you like it?"
Self-esteem derives from the word "self" as in knowing your intrinsic worth so haters can't mark down your self-confidence and put it on sale. When you're clear on what you are and what you are not, a little verbal appreciation simply confirms what you already know. Respond confidently and concisely with two words. "Thank you."
Now, smile and swish your tail as you walk away Cougar style.
Copyright 2009 Monica F. Anderson. All rights reserved.