Thou Shall Take The Compliment

He says: "Wow, you look hot in that dress today."
She replies: "This rag? No. Stop it. This thing is older than you and I need to throw it away and I need to lose weight so it will fit better and I'll never be Halle Berry and..."

Stop. Hammertime. Cougars know how to take a compliment. Just say thank you. There is nothing wrong with positive feedback. Everyone needs to feel valued and respected if not admired. Stop deflecting compliments or devaluing them with a laundry list of your faults. How often do you get compliments anyway? Are you getting so many that you've had enough for a lifetime?  I doubt it. Plus, if you keep returning the compliments like bad Christmas gifts, after a while, you don't get any more.

Now, I'm not advocating being a praise hoe (you know what I mean adults.) A praise hoe is so eager to please and have everyone think highly of her that her self-esteem fluctuates more than the stock market. She solicits compliments by constantly asking "What do you think?" or "Do you like it?"

Self-esteem derives from the word "self" as in knowing your intrinsic worth so haters can't mark down your self-confidence and put it on sale. When you're clear on what you are and what you are not, a little verbal appreciation simply confirms what you already know. Respond confidently and concisely with two words. "Thank you."

Now, smile and swish your tail as you walk away Cougar style.

Copyright 2009 Monica F. Anderson. All rights reserved.
http://www.drmoeanderson.com/

Thou Shall Do You

Like the animal, human cougars of the middle ages share physical similarities, but it's just as unwise to make assumptions about us as it is about the big cat. In fact, our uniqueness is one of the best qualities we share. We don't wake up every morning trying to fit in. We spend every moment trying to stand out. Here's the rule of thumb. When in doubt, do you. Be authentic. Being anything less than real is a crime time won't forgive. Cougars are beautiful from the inside--out. Yes, we stalk our goals and kill relationships with people who want a free ride on our backs. That's how you survive in the corporate jungle.  But the closest we come to imitation is taking  a good thing and making it better.

Warning: kittens who aspire to Cougardom should never be hopelessly out of sync, uhm, say--wearing mocassins to a formal dinner. Then, people will think you're just a nut. But if you know everyone is going to wear black to the dinner just because. Because what? It's tradition? It's the law? Well, a legit Cougar might wear yellow just because she looks better in yellow than black. Cougars do what they like, how they like. As long as you're doing no harm and it feels good, then,  it's all good.

So you’re not billionaire mogul Oprah or superstar corporate executive Cathie Black or your perfect cousin who cured her kid's asthma with Vick's Vapor Rub. That’s fine. They have their own destinies. They're doing what they were created to do. Your mission must always be to make the most of your talents. If you suck at addition and subtraction, you will never be Dean of the math department at the local university. But, if you can use a calculator or the Excel program on your computer, you can still get that spreadsheet done and turned in on time. Quit worrying about what you can't do or can't be. Do you. Do the best, most incredible and phenomenal you imaginable!

Copyright 2009 Monica F. Anderson. All Rights Reserved.